Facing the Heartache of Loss and Hope for the Future:

A Journey of Trying to Conceive

Losing a baby is a pain that runs deep, a wound that never truly heals. For many of us who have experienced this devastating loss, the world suddenly changes, and the pain seems unbearable. And yet, in the midst of this grief, there's another challenge that we are confronted with: the struggle and decision to try to conceive… again. It's a monthly rollercoaster ride, a journey filled with moments of hope, doubt, fear, endless questions, and unrelenting desperation.

God, isn't it enough that I lost my baby? Why do I have to struggle month after month to get pregnant again too?

While for some, the journey of trying to conceive is an exciting and joyous time, for others, it's marred by intense feelings of pressure and stress. And for those of us who are courageously embarking on this path again after the loss of our baby, it becomes an all-encompassing desire, a burning need intertwined with the shadows of grief, guilt, and profound fear.

Adding to these already complex emotional experiences and questions is the painful comparison to women who seem to effortlessly get pregnant (and stay) with seemingly the snap of their fingers. This comparison can feel like a punch right to the gut, leaving us with an overwhelming mixture of emotions: jealousy, a huge dose of guilt for even feeling jealous, and a sincere happiness for those women and their families. Talk about a confusing and disorienting whirlwind of emotions. "Why her? Why is it so effortless for her? Why not me?"

Month after month, we find ourselves buried under the weight of these questions. It's easy to feel stuck, to lose hope, to wonder if we will ever experience the joy of holding our baby safely in our arms on this side of Heaven.

During these challenging moments, when the questions spiral out of control, and comparison threatens to steal our joy, it can be incredibly difficult to believe that God is near, that He is kind, that He is intentional, and that He is working all things, including our grief, pain, and healing journey, for our good.

Truths about God and His character:

• It’s okay to be honest with God; He can handle and wants to walk with us as we process through these tough questions, doubts, and feelings… we don’t have to try to hide them from Him (Psalm 51:17). He invites us to “wrestle” with Him through these heartbreaking questions and realities.

• He is consistent (Malachi 3:6 & Hebrews 13:8).

• Those things that the enemy planned to use to destroy us…yeah…God has other plans… He works ALL things for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

• God is close to you in your broken-heartedness – you are not alone (Psalms 34:18).

• Jesus is not only with you but He understands, empathizes, and sympathizes with you in your heartbreak (Hebrews 4:15).

• It’s okay to cry… even Jesus wept when he grieved the loss of his friend Lazarus (John 11:35).

• You do not have to fight your way through this alone; let Him fight for you! (Exodus 14:14).

• God is TRUSTWORTHY. He is FAITHFUL in all He does. He keeps His promises (Psalm 145:13-14).

• Seek Him, and He will give you the desires of your heart that align with His desires for your life; He will not fail to help you receive these desires. You won’t miss His blessing; it’s already in motion—it may look different than we plan, but it will happen (Psalm 37:4).

• His kindness and compassion are everlasting (Isaiah 54:8 and 63:7).

• God does not show favoritism (Romans 2:11).

• He plans to give you exceedingly and abundantly ABOVE all that you ask (Ephesians 3:20).

Other Truths:

• I am not alone.

• Healing is not a destination; it’s a process and journey full of daily choices.

• Today is another step forward.

• Healing is messy; it is not a linear process.

• You are a momma.

• Whatever I am feeling… it’s okay… there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

• It’s okay to ask for help.

• God has so strategically placed loved ones, friends, and professionals on your path… let them in!

• It’s important to talk about it.

• Feeling jealous doesn’t make you a bad person, friend, or family member.

• Your baby matters.

Let’s remember the wisdom of taking one step at a time and to let the Lord carry these burdens for you, as His unwavering goodness is chasing after you and directing each of your footsteps, even when you’re facing some of your toughest battles.

Even when I am not…He is. Even when I am not calm… He is still. Even when I am angry… He is gracious. Even when I am anxious… He is steady. Even when I have given up… He is there to pick me back up. Even when I feel like I have lost hope… He is hopeful.

In these raw and vulnerable moments, when the weight of it all becomes overwhelming, let’s make the choice to take hold of these comforting truths and allow them to anchor us into solid ground.